420 ftw
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize