Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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