so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
