Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I currently don't understand fingers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
