M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
