i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
