you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
