cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
