Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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