I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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