She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Randomize
