She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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