dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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