Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
