Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
