At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
