i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
