I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
