So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
