I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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