I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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