that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
