We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
