Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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