Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't notice because vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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