Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
