I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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