Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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