I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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