Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
