he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
