I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
operation harelip BJ is a go
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
