just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
