Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
