Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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