I smell stomach acid.
I look better un-naked...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
