Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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