if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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