in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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