I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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