also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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