I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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