I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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