I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
