My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
