just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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