We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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