Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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