He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
