dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
