apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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