the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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