Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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