we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
