Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
