i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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