So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
