I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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