Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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