do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
