I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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