sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
