My first STD was from a foam party
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
