Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
