So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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