ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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