All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
