My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
