those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cut my penus on the lid.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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