My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
