I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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