Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
