Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
