Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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