I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
