Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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