im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
