You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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